Movie Review: The Battery

I had no idea what The Battery was about until I read the description. Living Dead. I assumed that meant the ol' zombie hordes we all know and have strangely become accustomed to seeing everywhere. I remember it being hard to fathom a million people watching anything to do with zombies. It was hard to believe when other people enjoyed Resident Evil too, but then Walking Dead happened and boom! Romantic movies about zombies started being created. Although I do love me some Warm Bodies.

The Battery follows Mickey and Ben, two former baseball player friends who are trying to survive a zombie apocalypse. A very docile and incredibly slow moving zombie apocalypse.

This movie moved so leisurely that we Ben had time to play with a cricket and Mickey had time to go through an old girlfriend's bedroom, including smelling her underwear. We watch them brush their teeth - completely.

Instead of just staying at the dead girlfriend's massive house, they decide to just take the blankets and pillows to make a "bachelor pad" out of their car. According to Mickey, they need to keep moving because they're like sharks, if they stop moving, they die. He does go on a sort of funny rant about it, including a backstory about them being forced to eat the dog.

It was one scene after another until it was like someone decided to film these guys 24/7. Ben was funny and their banter was good. It was just a long time between anything actually happening.

Um... Ben butt naked in a waterfall was unnecessary. Not nearly as unnecessary as the masturbation scene. Although Ben laughing hysterically when he shoots the zombie and finds Mickey had been pleasuring himself to it made me laugh out loud.

Just for the bants alone, you should check this movie out. It's not a horrible movie and I really liked the soundtrack.

"You're a one-pitch bitch."
"Gone Fishin. Don't Die."

Moral of this movie: The zombie apocalypse definitely won't be as exciting as The Walking Dead. Very mundane really.