Movie Review: The Green Inferno

I wanted to go see this movie when it first came out, but I couldn't convince Dingo or anyone else to take me. As soon as I heard Eli Roth was involved I was sold. I finally got to watch it during my forget-everything-and-feel-scared marathon.

About three minutes in, I wanted at least one character to be tortured in front of me. Unfortunately that character didn't go on this little trip to the Amazon rain forest. By the time the action picks up, I've grown no attachments to any character. I don't usually go for that, but after the list of movies I'd already seen, I was expecting to feel something more than anticipation.

A penis, a tarantula, a sacred omen jaguar, and one anti-climatic jump onto a beach and things actually picked up. While they're flying home in the plane that is smaller than your average bus, things go horribly wrong. For them, not me. For me, everything went horribly right.

The cannibal tribe they're taken by remind me of a colony of fire ants. About halfway through the first killing, I was even thinking this might be a bit too much for me to handle, but I stuck with it. In true Roth-fashion, it just got gorier and gorier and it was awesome. Dingo would have hated every second of it.

Moral of this movie: Never do anything good for anyone because you'll be used in a logging war and possibly be eaten by cannibalistic fire ant people.