AHS: Apocalypse Spoiler Review

I am a big fan of American Horror Story. I absolutely adored Murder House and enjoyed last season. I, of course, have watched the first episode of season 8 twice. I have some thoughts and hopefully, with any help from my insomnia, I may actually be able to do a post for each episode.

As an avid AHS watcher, I am used to being slightly unimpressed with the first few episodes. They have a lot of new characters to introduce and have to pull you in for the rest of the season. I get it. This season... I'm so excited for. It's supposed to tie everything back together and on IMDB, all of the Langdons are back on the cast of characters and the Harmons and oh, my gosh, I'm so excited. Oh, and a little unknown actress by the name of Jessica Lange is making her comeback. I just need them to release all the episodes now so, I can just have them and watch them a million times.

Um... surprise Joan Collins appearance. Sorry, had to get that out of the way.

Coco St. Pierre Vanderbilt, a hoity-toity wannabe-Instagram-star, was annoying from the first shot. I didn't enjoy Leslie Grossman in the last season either. She just comes off as pretentious and annoying most of the time. So, she's getting her hair done by her stylist, Mr. Gallant (the one and only Evan Peters). Her assistant Mallory (Billie Lourd) is there too. An alarm starts going off, but no one pays any attention. Coco gets a call from her dad and he tells her about four plane tickets they had, but the rest of her family won't be able to make it.

Meanwhile, adorable Clark Kent-esque Timothy Campbell (Kyle Allen) is finding out he was accepting to UCLA. His father comes home just in time to tell his family that the alarm was legit and they were all going to die. Some military dudes show up and tell Timothy and his family that he has been chosen to survive. Timothy's dad let's them take his son as he knows if he doesn't, Timothy will die.

Ballistic missiles hit all over the world, destroying everything.

Both introductory scenes seemed rushed, but if you are a long-time AHS watcher, you know that first impressions mean absolute hogwash here. The true colors of a character come out far later in the season usually. Except for Jessica Lange's characters, who were always true to form throughout.

In a makeshift cell, Timothy meets Emily (Ashley Santos) and together they're transported to Outpost 3. They witness a man and woman be executed outside. They are sanitized and welcomed by Wilhemina Venable (the incomparable Sarah Paulson), the "right arm" of what is called the "cooperative". She explains the difference between the purples (the elite, the chosen) and the grays (worker ants, lesser folk).

No unauthorized copulation under any circumstances. Reminds me of any horror movie. Do it and you'll die.

I don't understand why when Timothy gets out of the shower, the mirror says 666 on it or why there's whispering, "Beware, Timothy". I really hope that's explained soon because it sort of took me out of the episode. On the subject of Timothy, I also don't understand why he's so unmoved by the events of the day. They're all seemingly unchanged. Maybe it was so much, their brains just repressed it.

We are gloriously thrown into a room with Nana Evie (Joan Collins), Mr. Gallant, Coco and her annoying self, a couple of men who aren't very thoroughly introduced, and Dinah Stevens (Adina Porter). All clad in purple. Not just any purple though. No. Full-on B-vampire-movie meets Beauty and the Beast Halloween costume purple. It's absolutely gorgeous.

Kathy mother-trucking Bates! Let's say it again: Kathy mother-trucking Bates! Fan-girling so hard every time she comes on screen. So milady Kathy Bates plays Miriam Mead, Wilhemina's captain of the guard as it seems. She comes in just around dinner time to find a leak of radiation within the guests. Gallant and one of the un-introduced guys are taken away and given the ol' Silkwood treatment. They're tested again and the unnamed guy is found to still be "dirty". Miriam shoots him.

I think it's cute how Wilhemina and Miriam meet up in purple and gossip like girls.

Unnamed guy's name was Stu and... the moment I fell in love with this episode is all because of Stu. THE STEW IS STU!!! THE STEW IS STU!!! Greatest thing I've seen in so long. I absolutely loved it. Nana Evie just sitting there eating the stew like nothing's wrong with it made it even better.

Every day Outpost 3 is forced to listen to the same song for two straight weeks. The night Stu is killed, the song changes and they all find hope that the Cooperative is coming for them. Months pass.

Of course Timothy and Emily fall for each other, rationing one kiss a week to keep from going crazy or getting caught.

Rations of the weird cubey jello thing they get fed is cut to half a cube once a day. Gallant goes slightly crazy, throwing his plate across the room. Miriam and her right hand start toward him as an alarm sounds. A coach, pulled by two black contaminated horse, comes in through the smoke.

Michael Langdon, you beautiful bastard. His hair... I want his hair! Michael, for those of you who can't remember back to that blissful season one of AHS, was the product of Tate's attack on Vivienne. He was called the Antichrist by Billie Dean Howard (another Sarah Paulson character). I honestly can't wait to see more of him and what Cody Fern does with the character.

And Jessica Lange, hurry up and get back on this show!

All in all, it was a good first episode. My hopes are high for Apocalypse and I really don't want to be let down again.